Starting At The Bottom

Sometimes you start at the top and sometimes you don't.

Starting at the bottom isn't as bad as it seems....when everything else has been stripped away...starting at the bottom means you can only go up. Starting at the bottom means that your expectations have been held back and all you are left with is gratitude. Starting at the bottom is refreshing. There is still promise ahead. There is still hope.

And I haven't yet abandoned my hope.

I am grateful. While I am still in pain, I have much to be thankful for. God knows. God knows my heart. I am so grateful. No "but" will follow. I am grateful period. For the most part, I have a charmed life.

I live in abundance.

I have a beautiful family, a beautiful home, and people who love me. There is life and love and security in my path.

But my heart is broken. And perhaps this is where God can do his best work. And so that is why I am at the bottom. I have realized my brokenness. I have realized that I need Him.

I am by nature a control freak. And that doesn't leave God a lot of room to work in our lives. We control freaks like to say..."Yes Lord...I know you can help.....but I got this". And this is how I have lived the entirety of my life. "I've got it Lord". "Don't want to bother you......" "You don't need to waste your time on me"

But now I can see clearly.....not only do I not "got this".....but I have been clinging to the only thing I trust...which is myself. I have never put my trust in God to handle this life.

So I guess that is why I am standing here at the bottom of my mountain looking up. And while my nature craves preparation for all of the unknowns.....I realize that the planning is just delaying the trip...and all that gear I am trying to pack is just going to weigh me down. So with my bear hands I am grabbing on to that first ledge.

And equipped with nothing but the prayer on my lips I am asking that not of my own strength ... "and not by might, nor by power...but by the My spirit says the Lord."