Here We Go Again

Ok! Round two!!! Will today be the day?

The odds are in my favor. And I am at complete peace. This is a good day to become a mom for the 3rd time.....

It is amazing what a difference a week can make. I am excited, and filled with the spirit of adventure. I am ready to sprout my wings and fly over to Africa.

Africa. Wow....I will really be there in a matter of weeks. I had only pictured being in Africa in my wildest dreams. I knew that it was a place that I wanted to see once before I go to heaven....but if you had asked me a year ago if I would be planning to leave in a matter of weeks...I would have raised an eyebrow. And if you had told me that I would be going by myself....I would have known you mixed up my fortune with someone elses. I would NEVER have believed the adventure that was about to be in store for me.

Anyone who knows me well knows that this is not my nature. I am never excited at the thought of travelling. Usually I am petrified. Maybe that will come...but right now, I am so excited. I think that is because there are finally some things settled in my heart. And I think that I am able to be excited because I have finally come to terms with the most important aspect of my life.

I have struggled so much over the last few years at really putting my trust in God. Whether it was because I was struggling for the belief in His existence to whether I was struggling with the belief that I was His child or whether it was that I trusted Him to take care of me. I have run the gamut.

While I have, for as long as I can remember, been a believer; never have I been plagued by so much doubt as I have been these past few years. I have scoured and searched to find proof and every time, I fall short. But in my search, I have come to realize two simple truths.

First, there will be no proof great enough that time won't destroy. If God himself took His small finger and swirled around the stars to read "I am here"..... we would find a way to discredit it. We would reason and rationalize explanations. Maybe it was only particles in the atmosphere giving the illusion. Maybe there are lifeforms on other planets which are trying to communicate with us. Maybe it was someone on earth who pulled off an elaborate hoax. And in time, not only would we come to question how that miracle occurred, but our memory of it would become fuzzy as well. We would question if we really saw what we thought we saw? And we would wonder if it were just a dream. So even if we had the most concrete of proof, it wouldn't be enough. Aaron who had seen God even forgot Him temporarily standing at the base of Mt. Sinai and he turned to gilding statues of calves from melted gold so that he could WORSHIP them. I am no better than Aaron.

Second, I have realized that faith comes down to a choice. You have to at some point simply say "I choose to believe" or "I choose to reject". Once that choice is made, you begin to believe in faith on what evidences that you do have. You choose to believe that everything that you observe adds up to the promises that we have been given. And while it is OK to keep searching until you are ready to make that decision, ultimately not making a decision or putting it off is the equivalent of a rejection.

And my excitement for doing something so adventurous has come for one reason only. I have come to the point in my life that I have made a conscious choice to believe in God. I have examined all the evidence I can find, and while I was not able to find definitive proof, I have chosen to accept His Word and His very existence on Faith. And it is this choice which then allows me to also put my faith in His promises. And He has promised to take care of me. He has promised that He will give me salvation. And He has promised to care for my children.

This is not to say that I don't have my days when that old familiar doubt likes to creep in and destroy my peace....but for the most part I can remind myself that I have deliberated and I have chosen to place my trust in God. I can remind myself that the evidences were stacked in Gods favor and ultimately I have to act upon a body of belief. With a simple nudge to my spirit, I act upon the supposition that God is there and that His Word is true and that He keeps His promises.

So, what does this have to do with Africa?

Prior to this decision, I could never have stepped on that plane. For a thousand reasons. I could not have risked not being in control of my destiny. I could not have trusted the safety and security of my daughter and her future to others in my absence. I could not have flown 8000 miles in fear of the thought that I could die and possibly go to Hell because I didn't have the assurance of salvation....or even that I could die and simply cease to exist. I had fears of being forgotten, and fears of being stolen. I have had every fear from every angle and it would have completely destroyed the joy of making such a journey.

But coming to terms with my faith and my trust in God's promises allows me such freedom. I can step on that plane. I can know that my life is in God's hands and regardless of the outcome...He will see His perfect will come to fruition. Should I not make it home...I can know that He is still in charge of taking care of my husband and my daughters. He will complete the good work that He has begun in their lives. No mom necessary if the circumstances warrant. I can travel more than 8000 miles knowing that no matter what happens at home or in the air or on the African continent, I am in His care and all things will work together for the good of me because I love Him and I am called according to His purpose.

And so I am looking forward with anticipation making my journey to bring home my sweet little girl.

Today is our day sweet heart!!!!