Olympics

I watch and read about athletes all over the world competing to be the very best at what they do. They have descended upon Vancouver the last two weeks with the skill and ability to do what most "normal" people can not. While I gave competitive figure skating my adolescent and teenage years, I never came close to the kind of drive and mental determination necessary to achieve such accolades. But in the last five years, I have determined that bringing home a child through the process of adoption is a momentous feat akin to such an accomplishment. An accomplishment that no one else can truly appreciate except for those who are also training in the same event.

We watch the grace and the beauty of the figure skater as she takes to the ice. As the music begins she elongates her form and her body begins to move as it has been training to do. If the skater is to achieve perfection she has to both stay mentally focused as well as mentally detached in order to get her mind and body to achieve the perfect fusion of technical know how and instinctive response. Too much thinking and she can psych her self out...not enough thinking and she misses her cue.

What the spectator does not see is that to have even gotten to this point the skater has devoted every moment of the last few years in preparation for the few minutes in which she takes to the ice. Very few can truly understand what it has taken to arrive to at the point of glory in which the music fades, she takes a deep breath and finally she knows that the has accomplished her purpose.

The onlookers can try to appreciate what this skater has been through. They can imagine she is a devoted athlete, rising early in the morning, putting in hours in practice, shaping each and every muscle of her body into perfect form for hours on end each and every day.....and they admire her accomplishments.

But it is only the other athletes, the other skaters like her that can possibly understand what it means to finish a performance and stand breathless waiting and hoping.

This is what it is to adopt. We adopters are not "normal" people as we attempt to do what most people can not. And just like in the Olympics there are the athletes and there are the spectators.

The athlete understands terms like referral, dossier, and LID. Only the athlete understands that it is more than just signing up, getting in line, and decorating a nursery. Only other athletes can understand the real meaning of the word "waiting".

Each step of the way there is the potential for victory and the potential for defeat. The athlete rejoices in the small victories of finger printing and criminal background checks and tries not letting a delayed I -171 break her focus of the goal in the end.

The athlete appreciates the nuances of coordinating a roaming notary with a non expiring commission to a temperamental doctor who refuses to understand why he has to create letterhead while still making sure that the date of his signature is not premature to the date of that which the notary signs. And even with this seemingly impossible feat in the rear view mirror it is only the athlete that has the stamina to go through this type of exercise again and again and again.

Keeping your mind focused and your attitude positive requires a mental determination that most days leaves you completely drained and crawling towards the bed at night. In the mornings the athlete will rise and begin her day with the warm ups of email checking. A good day is a batch of referrals or watching another athlete receive a travel date. A bad day is a delayed court hearing or a quiet inbox. While it is a mundane and unappreciated exercise...it is none the less necessary to help the athlete keep her drive and prevent her from just walking away. And while the athlete must continue to live life each and everyday outside of practice, driving the kids to soccer, making dinner for her family, putting in a few hours at the office...her mind never loses site of her single purpose. It is always there...always present. This drive is what impels her through the day.

But she also understands that to achieve her goal she must stay both mentally focused as well as mentally detached to achieve the perfect fusion of procedural know-how and emotional instinct. Too much thinking and she can psych herself out. Not enough thinking and she may forget to pick up the kids from school.

Each step of the journey is bringing us closer and closer to the moment of our victory. We receive approval, complete our dossier, receive a referral, have our court date rescheduled, get our travel delayed. But ultimately we keep pushing forward.

We do it even though we are exhausted. We push through the pain, we push through the tears and we just grit our teeth and we press on....until one day

we stand breathless....waiting....and hoping.

Our name is called. We step up and we know that the entire journey has been worth this singular moment. And the only difference between the adoptive mom and the Olympic athlete is that ultimately.....

we will all receive the gold....